Genesis 2:24
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
Matthew 19:5
"and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh"
Mark 10:7
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife"
Ephesians 5:31
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
I think God meant it! It is in the bible at least these 4 times that “a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife.” In doing a deeper study of these verses I learned that this verse does not simply mean that a man moves out of his parents’ house. The Hebrew word that is used in these verses for “leave” is the same Hebrew word used in other verses throughout the bible. So in order to understand what God wanted us to know I studied these verses and found the entire picture of this word “leave.”
Genesis 44:22 “The boy cannot leave his father; if he leaves him, his father will die.” If the boy physically leaves and goes away the father will die. This is the physical aspect of the word “leave” in the 4 verses. To depart from the presence of. Physically move out of the parent’s house.
Webster’s says: “to cause to remain as a trace or aftereffect”
“to permit to be or remain subject to another's action or control”
“to cause or allow to be or remain available”
“to go away from”
"desert, abandon"
Jeremiah 1:16 “I will pronounce my judgments on my people because of their wickedness in forsaking me, in burning incense to other gods and in worshiping what their hands have made.” The word “forsaking” is the same Hebrew word used for “leave” in the 4 verses. This is the loyalty aspect. To move the loyalty to someone else. We have removed our loyalty from our parents and placed our loyalty with each other. Nothing comes before my husband, and nothing comes before his wife (me).
Webster’s says: “to renounce or turn away from entirely”
Exodus 23:5 “If you see the donkey of one who hates you lying [helpless] under his load, you shall refrain from leaving the man to cope with it alone; you shall help him to release the animal.” The word “release” is the same Hebrew word that is used in the 4 verses for the word “leave.” To come out from under, to remove the weight off of, to free entirely. We are releasing our parents of any responsibilities they had before concerning us. We pay our own bills, buy our own clothes, pay our own way, and take care of ourselves on our own. We rely on each other for everything.
Webster’s says: “to set free from restraint, confinement, or servitude”
“to relieve from something that confines, burdens, or oppresses”
There was a girl who called her mother (rather than sitting down and working things out with her husband) every single time her and her husband had a disagreement over something. Of course her mother took her side because that is what mothers do. Because her mother was not an objective party in this scenario many things happened during these conversations that wore the marriage down. 1) This daughter was not “leaving” her parents. She kept running back to her mother every single time she had a problem 2) this meant she was cleaving to her mother and not to her husband 3) she was not being loyal to her husband because not only was she saying negative things about her husband, but was allowing her mother to take her side and was also saying negative things about her husband 4) her mother only saw her son-in-law in this negative light and she had a hard time liking him.
I am not anti-counseling; when we get to a point where we think we may need some counseling, it should be from someone completely objective. Needless to say, this marriage ended in divorce.
I am also not saying that we drop our parents entirely and say “sorry guys, have a nice life.” We are called to “honor” our mother and father. I still love my parents and I am there for them and will continue to be (my parents and his). My parents will just not come before my husband. My husband is my number one priority. My loyalty belongs to Paul and Paul’s loyalty belongs to me. If we are relying on our parents for ANYTHING, we have not left. This is the first part...Leave.
The second part is to cleave, to “unite.” I chased down the Hebrew word that was used for cleave and unite. Some verses came up:
2 Chronicles 18:33 “And a certain man drew a bow at random, and smote the king of Israel between the joints of the armor. Therefore he said to his chariot man, ‘Turn thine hand, that thou mayest carry me out of the host, for I am wounded.’” The word “joints” is the same Hebrew word used in our 4 verses for “unite.” Where the armor is “joined” together.
Webster’s says: “to put or bring together so as to form a unit”
2 Samuel 23:10 “but Eleazar stood his ground and struck down the Philistines till his hand grew tired and froze to the sword. The Lord brought about a great victory that day. The troops returned to Eleazar, but only to strip the dead.” The word “froze to” is the same Hebrew word used in our 4 verses for “unite.” Can’t let go of, cling so tightly it is impossible to let go, sticking too. When looking at this verse it is the hand's job to cling to that sword. It doesn’t matter what the sword does, it is the hands job to never let go of the sword. Then once it has held onto it for so long, it actually becomes difficult for the hand to let go.
Webster’s says: “to adhere solidly by or as if by freezing”
2 Samuel 20:2 “So all the men of Israel withdrew from David and followed Sheba son of Bichri; but the men of Judah stayed faithfully with their king, from the Jordan to Jerusalem.” The words “stayed faithfully” is the same Hebrew word used in our 4 verses for “unite.” To remain loyal too.
Webster’s says: “unswerving in allegiance”
Cleaving is impossible to do if you have not left your parents, or are still putting your friends first, or money first, gaming first, etc. NOTHING comes before your spouse. Our marriage is a 3 way relationship; Me, Paul, and God. Nothing comes before this relationship. We have to constantly keep looking at our lives and make sure that there isn’t something that is trying to compete for that 1st priority position. If there is something trying to take over that position, it needs to be cut out, 100%. Get rid of it.
Also, part of being united is understanding that there are needs that both Paul and myself have. Everyone pretty much already knows what a man needs. Haha! But, he does actually have a couple of other needs as well, such as being respected, affirmation, support... What a lot of men don’t think about is the needs of his wife. Women have TONS of needs. LOL. It is important for me, as Paul’s wife to find out what his needs are and to stay on top of them. It is important for Paul, as my husband, to find out what my needs are and to stay on top of them. Keeping in mind that there is a HUGE difference between “want” and “need.” This responsibility to find out what Paul’s needs are is mine alone. The responsibility to find out what my needs are is Paul’s alone.
There was a man who loved his video games. He could sit on the computer 24/7 if he was able too. He spent money his family did not have to keep up with his gaming habit, spent time on his gaming that his wife and kids needed. His wife understood (to a point) that her husband needed the “down” time to play his games, but he did not understand that his wife needed some time with her husband. He was either at work, on the computer, or sleeping. He, very clearly, had his priorities screwed up. He showed his wife, day after day, that she was not number 1. Again, sadly, this couple is no longer together.
When one or both of these are not being met the marriage breaks down. I need to remember that this is an ongoing, forever process. I need to make sure that I am always on the lookout for anything that could be trying to sneak in and take over my “leave and cleave” process. This is a VERY important part of our foundation. So important that God spread it throughout the entire Bible! Jesus talked about it! This is one “tool” that God has brought to our attention in order to protect our important foundation, and help us have a healthier, more fulfilling marriage.
Good to know!
